It was June of '94, Warren G just released a new song "Regulate" and everyone was playing it. Lanta was 15 and I was turning 15 in October. Lanta and I were chillin in the backyard of his older brother's new girlfriend Kamilah. Kamilah was from a rich family, but even her designer clothes couldn't hide the fact that she was fat as fuck, I guess obese is the correct word for people like her. Anyway there were 2 coconut trees in her yard, 1 was really tall, the other was shorter. So we dared Kamilah to climb to the top of the taller one, she worried about getting her clothes dirty, but agreed to do it only after both of us climbed up first. So I kicked off my heels and carefully climbed to the top then came down. Then Lanta went. When it was her turn, she took off her shoes and slooowly started up the tree, but she got tired when she was about halfway up and wasn't able to climb up or down, it took 3 men and a ladder to get her down. As soon as she was inside the house we started talking:

Me: What does your brother see in her?

Lanta: Her family has lots of money.

Me: So? Your family also has money.

Lanta: Her family has more, that's the only reason he's with her.

Me: What do your parents think of her?

Lanta: They don't like her because she's Muslim. They don't like anyone who's not Sinhalese like them.

Me: What about her parents?

Lanta: Her mom died when she was small and her dad just wants her to be happy.

Me: Would you ever be with someone for money?

Lanta: Oh hell no, I wouldn't be with someone like her for all the money in the world! Can you imagine what it would be like to fuck that elephant? She's so damn big my brother would probably get lost inside her. 

Me: Is that even possible? I think she would crush him before he even had a chance to do anything.
 
Lanta: I don't know, but I'm not about to try it.

Me: I think calling her an elephant is a bit harsh though, don't you think?

Lanta: Well, how else would you describe her? She can't run and she has no energy. That's how all fat women are, no energy means no stamina in bed.

Me: I wonder how long your brother will stay with her, he must be pretty frustrated by now.

Lanta: Money and power mean more to some people than a good sex life.

We didn't see Kamilah's dad behind us and he was pissed, he asked us why we were talking this way about his "lovely" daughter. We handled it well though.

Lanta: Well Mr. Ahmed, if you really cared about your daughter you would send her to the gym more often. Her weight is putting her at high risk for a number of health problems.

Mr. Ahmed: Really? What kind of problems?

Me: Heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, gout, stuff like that.

Mr. Ahmed: Oh no, my poor baby, what can I do to help her?!

Lanta: Tell her she needs to diet and exercise.

Then the poor guy went to find her and she must have lost her temper with him because we could hear her shouting from inside the house. Well lets just say it's a good thing Lanta and I both lived nearby, because we didn't want to stay there any longer.

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